Unwanted

Unwanted

I looked down at the silver tree shaped scar on my arm. I had had it since I was 5, and although I couldn’t remember getting it, it still brought me great pain and sorrow. The window to my shared room was open and I could feel a slight breeze caressing my body. I sighed and continued to speculate on the many unfortunate aspects of my life.

 

I had been orphaned when I was 5 in a car accident that had killed both of my parents and my unborn sister leaving me with the scar. Their funeral had been small, just the neighbors, my great aunt who had died the next winter, and myself. From there I was put into the San Jose Orphanage, which is where I had been the past 7 years of my life just waiting and praying to be adopted. Not all days were terrible, but none of them were actually good.

 

When I arrived at the orphanage I was damaged badly. I had been too old to be adopted and too sad to be wanted. The nuns running the orphanage had always told me that if I had a more cheery disposition people would want me, but how cheery could a 5 year old who had lost his parents and had no friends be?

 

I glanced up at the clock and realised I had probably just missed supper. The nuns had gotten tired of calling me and so they had let me do as I pleased for the past few years. I guess they must have recognized that it was hard growing up in an orphanage I suppose, all of the other children had been adopted so I had no real friends, and no living relatives of any kind meant that I had never had any visitors.

 

Life was lonely. I was only twelve and most of my thoughts focused on death. I didn’t want to end my life exactly, but I don’t want to live it either. I tried to think of reasons to be happy, but I just couldn’t. Nothing in my life was worth anything to anyone, including me. I was extremely smart in school and athletic enough, but how was any of  that a good reason to go on?

 

I sighed and continued rubbing my scar. Life was rough, but I was positive other people had it worse. I slowly got up and stretched. I walked towards the stairs at the end of the hallway and sat on them listening to the cheery conversation.

 

Downstairs I could hear adults talking in hushed, happy voices. Someone was getting adopted. I sighed and got up to go back to my bedroom. The motivation to go downstairs and eat had left me once I realised that their was going to be yet another child adopted before me. It wasnt that I wasn’t happy for the other children, I just didn’t think that it was fair. But I guess that’s how life was, sometimes you win and sometimes you most certainly do not.

 

A single tear ran down my cheek as I entered my room. I flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I should be used to this feeling of hopelessness and despair by now. Suddenly I heard a knock at the door and a soft whisper.

 

“Bart”. I looked up to see Sister Sierra standing in the doorway with a pleased look on her face.

“ Bart honey, there’s a couple downstairs who are looking to adopt. They want a smart athletic boy, and so I told them about you”. I gaped at her unable to comprehend what she was saying. It wasn’t possible for me to get adopted, I had come to accept that. I followed her downstairs not letting myself get hopeful.

 

We entered the common area and there was a kind middle aged couple sitting on the couch. The woman was tall and thin with long sleek black hair and pale skin so white it looked like snow. She looked like she had just walked out of a movie, and had kind blue eyes. The man sitting beside her also looked like he was in perfect shape, he had short blond hair and shocking warm brown eyes.

 

“Bart this is Mrs and Mr Doback, they wanted to meet you” Sister Sierra said in a happy tone. I looked up into their eager eyes and tried to talk but the words just wouldn’t come out.

 

“He’s perfect, when can we fill out the papers?” asked Mrs Doback through a genuine and  with tears in her eyes. She followed Sister Jay into the office to get the papers. I turned and ran up the stairs stuffing my possessions into a small brown suitcase overcome with joy. I was getting adopted, I was finally wanted. Maybe life isn’t as bad as I had thought.

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