There were two classes Jude and I were in together, Chemistry and Biology. Every Chemistry class I remember sitting on the left hand side of the room every glance I took to my right she was always right there. The days she was away, I felt alone and as if no one could make my day, just the slightest smile from her could make me go from a grouch to one of the happiest men in the world. How were I to know if I gave her that same rush that she gave me, how she made my heart beat ten times faster and how I always felt the need to impress her or maybe the fact that there was absolutely no one I would rather spend my time with than her.

From the beginning I knew Jude was the one, not just interested in her looks but also her honesty, loyalty, kind heart, how she was trustworthy and understanding, and that beautiful smile that seemed to show plenty when I was with her. She was the definition of beauty to me, inside and out from her personal qualities to her physical qualities.

Never believing that she was beautiful, she grew up thinking no one will ever fall in love with her, that shed be lonely forever.

She began to realize that there are people out there who do care, I proved to her that I loved her and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Jude growing up was the absolute most beautiful girl in high school and when I built up my courage to talk to her things couldn’t have gone any better but most importantly we wouldn’t be where we are today, living happy together with a son and a baby girl on the way. Jude was the love of my life the only woman who I wanted to come home to after a long day of work to only see her sound asleep on the couch with our son Luke. However the days felt like weeks and minutes turned into hours when I was away from my family, the times that I was with them time just seemed to slip away turning the days into hours and minutes into seconds feeling as if I had no time to spend with them.

Living in our dream house a couple of miles out-of-town in the country everything between us and our family seemed to be perfect. While I was just getting off work I got a call from Jude letting me know that her and Luke were going to go to her mothers and fathers where her dad would load up the stroller and crib to prepare for our little girl in a few months. While taking one step out of my vehicle after pulling into my driveway the sirens and lights of a fire truck and ambulance rushed by. I decided to think nothing of it.

As time went on Jude still wasn’t home yet and wouldn’t answer her phone. That’s when I grabbed my jacket and started driving over to her parents place, it wasn’t to long of a drive. As I started getting closer the back of the fire truck was pulled to the side of the road as well as a totalled vehicle upside down in the ditch to only drive closer and realize that it was my wives vehicle in the ditch.

With the blink of an eye she was gone just like that, having not only her slip from my fingers but both of my children as well. Not being able to say goodbye and being unable to create more memories, spending time with her or even being able to see her again it was al taken away from me. All I have left are these memories, the memories that I will cherish forever. I knew this day would come but I would have never expected it to come so soon. The biggest fear in life is not dying better yet the biggest fear is being alone. That was exactly what I was, alone.

I never knew something could hurt as much as this, but then again you never know the true feeling of anything until it happens to you. I know now that the only thing I needed in life was her and my family. She made me who I am to this day. But now that she’s gone I feel as if I’m going to be lost without her.

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